What I Want
by Alena Blackheart
Summary: 'Sometimes when I say 'I'm fine.' I want someone to look in my eyes and say 'Tell me the truth.' Unknown.


I posted this on my tumblr, but I felt the need to put it here as well.

It's just a short, random little thing I wrote in class the other day.

Hinted JayxTim. Angst abound!

And as is the case with everything I write, it's unbeta'd - so. . .Yep. cx

Disclaimer: They're not mine. If they were, the New 52 would not exist.

* * *

"Babybird…Are you sure this is what you want?"

Tim's eyes don't betray anything. He had been trained, even before becoming Robin, to keep an even poker face when making deals: when doing things you don't want to do.

"_Timothy, run along and play with the other children."_

_A false smile, a simple nod, pretend you cannot see the other parents giving their children hugs and real smiles as they leave for the day._

"_Timothy, we're leaving for a while. Be good for the help."_

_And expected 'Yes, mommy', a rare hug - no crying, no beggint them to stay just one more week so they can celebrate your birthday._

_Just nod. Accept. Ignore your feelings._

He continues to stare at Jason with a steady frown - his lips set into an emotionless line. He ignores the voice in his head: screaming, crying, _'No! This isn't what I want! Stop him, Jay - please! Save me! Don't let him take me!'_

But it isn't about what Tim wants. It never is. Before, it was about what his parents wanted. As Robin, it was about what Bruce wanted, as RedRobin, it was about the mission - but now…Now it's about his family. It's about Jason. He can't let him hurt Jason…

So he pushes the begging as deep into his mind as he can and ignores the heavy feeling in his heart. He sets his shoulders so they do not quiver as he take a deep breath and responds: his voice an emotionless and controlled growl,

"I am sure, Jason. Now, please leave - you no longer have a reason to be here…"

_Ignore the hurt in his eyes. Ignore the slump of his shoulders. Ignore the strong hand on your shoulder…_

"You see? The Detective desires a place at *my* side. Now that you have heard him yourself, I suggest you leave; lest I forget our agreement to meet on peaceful terms."

His threat his empty. Tim knows. But Jason doesn't. But it must remain that way.

"_And in exchange for your complete loyalty and obedience, I will leave Gotham alone."_

"_And my family."_

"_Detective, you *have* no family."_

"_You know what I mean, Ra's."_

"_Very well. If you swear yourself to me, I will not touch them - I will stay out of their lives completely - but only for as long as you keep your side of the deal."_

"_And Jason…"_

"_I will call off my assassins tonight."_

"…"

"_Detective?"_

"…_alright."_

Jason doesn't move at first, and Tim worries that he'll fight anyway. But after a few heartbeats that last multiple eternities, Jason finally signs and turns away.

"Fine. Whatever. This is one of those 'It will get me further' things, right? Fit into your 'plan'?" He stops and looks over his shoulder - looks at Tim.

'_No, please, don't walk away. Don't leave me. Don't leave me like everyone else.'_

Whatever Jason's betrayed, disappointed, and hurt-filled eyes had been searching for on Tim's face, they do not find it. Tim has it hidden too well - always the perfect mask. With another sigh and a shake of his head, Jason turns and walks away again. He does not stop this time. He does not turn. His voice is an anguished growl filled with the emotion Tim refuses to, cannot, show,

"Yeah…I thought so. Well - see you around, *Replacement*."

It's hissed. His 'nickname'. His old nickname - the one before 'Babybird'. The one that was used out of spite. The one Jason used when he hated him.

It stabs Tim's already pained heart - stops its frantic beating, silences its cries. It's done. The one person who would save him, the only one he has left, has given up. Left him.

'_Don't leave - don't give up. I'll do anything - just, please, *please* see through my lies!'_

And Tim just watches with a steady stare. Accepts with a broken soul. Moves on with a broken heart. The sound of the slamming door parodies the sudden silence in his head. No begging. No crying. Just…silence. Tim lets his eyes slide shut and allows himself a single, soft sob as the man behind him chuckles. He hears words like 'good choice, Detective' and 'you'll thank me someday' but that's all drowned out as the silence in his head, his heart, is broken by one last whimper,

'_I had to. I'm sorry. I didn't want-…I want you to be safe…'_


End file.
